WHEW! I have been feeling super emotional for a number of reasons here lately. This is after feeling REALLY GOOD after completing the 7 week program. I have even been struggling to stick with my "tap first thing in the morning" schedule though I get it in later in the day. Having energy or not is my sign of my being most off here lately. I have dealt chronic fatigue syndrome and lethargy was my biggest issue so when I feel tired, I almost get panicked. Additionally, having energy issues is a major path to weight gain for me. Today has taken the cake for me. I have found myself drifting back to eating sweets and exhausted and then today I have felt down in my spirit. I decided that my only choice was to tap. I really didn't have anything that set me off so I just started tapping on how bad I felt inside. Eventually I started realizing that it was sadness and grief from my childhood. The more I tapped the more in touch I got with a deep and intense pain that I have known for almost my entire lifetime. In my mind I was literally transported back to being a little girl sitting around sad and depressed and grieving the violence and chaos in my family home. I had no one to express it to...I would just sit with it until it subsided but it didn't actually get out. I got in touch with how sad I was for my mother who was the stronger and more balanced and loving parent. She had to put up with so much. I always knew this but today I felt my inner girl's grief about it from long ago...I for sure cried and felt this horrible pain all through my body, my cells...especially in my legs, stomach and back and eventually in my heart. I didn't even have words to express what the pain stood for at times all I knew was it felt very deep and very painful. I tapped, tapped, tapped, tapped and talked and remembered and released and tapped and talked about the memories and released the pain. I told my inner girl that it has served its purpose in that it helped me to survive but that it was hurting me now and needed to be let go. I affirmed that at 46 it was time for us to live a new way...to have a new life...to be positive, happy, peaceful because that is really what my life is about. I had her to see how the stored pain and grief was actually causing problems for me and making my life very hard and stressful and feel like she really got it and let it all go. Like I said before I am not sure if I am done but I feel like this is major progress for me. By the time I finished I felt so much better an actually felt more energized. Giving thanks for EFT. I am not sure what I would do besides eat and sleep and feel sad today if it I didn't have it in my life.
This morning I awoke and began tapping. As I write this it is over 12 hours later so I hope to remember what exactly happened but I just know that I had a major breakthrough. I explored my inner fear. Something I have known for a while is just how long I have felt fear in my life. I also explored my feelings of loneliness. I remember lying in bed at night as a girl feeling empty. I felt alone. Somehow as I tapped all of this welled up major emotion. It is an emotion that I know well. It feel painful, like acid and even my heart chakra painfully throbbed. I began to see how so much in my life, such as other people's drama or my issues with them, have been in place in part to keep fear up in my consciousness because I adopted fear as a way to protect myself as a child. I knew that if I stayed fearful, then I would stay aware so if anything sudden happened in my home that had abuse as well as alcoholism I would be ready. This way of being can...
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