These last few years...where I am now...

I have so much on my mind that i can barely get it out. I have been on a year long journey into the pit of weight loss hell. As a fitness instructor, I have struggled with my weight at times but nothing like this, which reminds me of my weight loss journey after have my second beloved child. I just couldn't seem to get it together until one day, all of my weight loss efforts seemed to work synergistically and the weight started to pour off my body. Since 2013 I have been one stressed sister. I have not taken very good care of myself and have been on a roller coaster of stress that I willing rode until I realized how few results I was getting. I began to realize that I was having more and more issues with losing weight as well as feeling emotionally distraught most days of the week. I started with cutting back on how many classes I taught as well as relationships. Any relationship that brought unnecessary stress got removed. By the time 2014 ended, I was doing better but realizing that I had done a major number on myself because recovery was slow in coming. In 2015, I cut back on teaching even more classes and started to have more boundaries with myself on how much I would dance or teach to keep myself from getting depleted. I was in the 160's and struggling to get back under 160. I started to lose muscle tone. In general, I remainded pretty unhappy though it seemed things were getting better. By Septemeber of 2015, I was on the road to do better. I started drinking a green drink, as recommended by a yoga challenges on Gaia. So that for me was Shakeology plus spinach or romaine lettuce or a kale mix. I have not deviated from that green drink for the most part since because I could tell that it made a difference. I also did a detox using supplements and noticed that weight started pouring off. I will add that after going to the Beachbody Summit last year, I committed to working out daily and so I was also doing Focus T25 and eating super healthy, which includes reduced calories. I then got caught up in some drama related to dance and that is when everything went down hill. I refer to my system getting shocked. My system got shocked, my emotions were raging and depression hit. By the top of 2016 I was struggling to have my rhythm in working out and eating right. I even got the flu in Feb. Seems like I was going to the doctor lost and seeing the scale creep up into the high 170's. I was in a panic. I began to accept that what was going on with my weight was something other than my need to eat less and exercise. For me i HAVE to eat right and exercise but this was more than that. Not even the changes that I used to make that would help me drop 5 lbs worked anymore. One day I was on Pinterest looking for weightloss over 40 posts when I found a book that talked about hormones and women. I perked up because I had been meaning to learn more about my hormones to figure out if they were playing a role in my weight issues. I went to the website and found a book called Woman Code by Vitti. That book started the turn around. OH! How could I forget the exhaustion. My weight issues were accompanied by exhaustion. I was tired all of the time. Being tired made me depressed. It was the weight plus the exhaustion that made me know that this was beyond what I ate and how I exercised. So, I started using protocols in that book to help balance my hormones. I was pretty textbook for a 40+ woman so I gave up caffeine at the start of my day, made sure to start EVERYDAY with green food and to eat more green food daily. What fascinated me about that book was the information on adrenal fatigue. My spirit told me to order a book on adrenal fatigue and I am so glad that I did. I ordered the Adrenal Reset Diet by Christianson. That book started to help me turn the ship around even more. The carb cycling and understanding how carbs affect cortisol levels helped me to change how I ate. NO CARBS in the morning and More carbs in the evening to keep cortisol high in the morning and low in the evening completely helped me to recover my energy. Between those two books, I got my energy back. I almost didn't even care about my weight and that is when it went over 180 lbs. I was so tired of trying to lose weight. I didn't give up I just had to give up the stress of it because stress is KEY in keeping adrenal fatigue going. So for me I have had to address STRESS!! It has been my greatest issue. No matter what I cannot stress. It so negatively impacts my health that I must remain calm and remember the Serenity prayer. I focus on what I can change; what I can't change, I let go and the goal is to be aware of the difference. So when I went for my annual health check up and saw 186 lbs on the scale at home and 189 lbs on the scale at my nurse practioner's office, I was as cool as a cucumber. I had to look at this as an opportunity to heal myself. One more thing has happened. I became a certified group fitness insturctor and I took the Plate by Zumba training to learn more about nutrition. Both have made me appreciate my body in a way that I once valued it but had lost it over the years. The Plate training also helped me get clear on how and what to eat and to shift myself from processed foods and meat to a diet that is mostly veggies, grains, beans and fruits. Both trainings helped me to remember just how chemical my body is and that keeping my blood sugar levels level is muy importante for this adreanl fatigued prone girl. I have been able to move myself to eating lots of veggies and being cool with that. One thing that I love about Plate is it says, NOTHING MADE FROM FLOUR! I think that will be one of the most pivotal steps I can take to lose weight. Well, I lost 3 lbs and had been stuck there for like 2 months or so. Two weeks ago I went on a retreat and at mostly raw foods but for sure vegan food. I ddn't really monitor how much I ate. I ate when I was hungry for suree but didn't care too much about portions or anything like that. I cam home and was 181.6!!! I really couldn't believe it. Recently, I started tapping for weightloss (The Tapping Solution with the Ortners) combined with doing the 3 Day Refresh by Beachbody and was 180 yesterday and today: 179.4!!!!!! I finally broke 180!!!! I start Hardcore 22 today! I am once again excited to workout! I have felt like working out much but feel excited about it and excited about eating healthy. I did the Refresh to reset my palate. I can't do the Reset because I teach fitness classes 5 days a week. I will say that I do use the recipes as my husband has done the 21 Day Reset and the food is so healthy and so good. I am reading Darin Olien's book, SuperLife: The 5 Forces That Will Make You Happy. This book is reminding me of my 20's when I first learned about healthy eating. Only this time I am more experienced, though no less motivated. Learning again about how the body works has been key. The tapping (eft) is addresses the issue that is related to stress: my emotions. Ever since I was a girl, I knew that my emotions dictated my weight. From early on I would do things to make myself happy because I knew that I would lose weight as a result. Somehow I got too far removed from my happy. Not that my life isn't good but sometimes we lose our way. Sometimes, we have stored up emotions from the past that we don't know are there and our body will conjure up health issues to get us to address the emotions. I am not sure where I will go from here. All I know is that I will continue to apply all of this great wisdom to my life and hope that it takes me back down into the 150's. What I know is that for ME: weight loss is multifactorial. I cannot just eat right and exercise to lose weight. I also have to balance my life. I have to be calm. I have to live authentically. I have to avoid worrying about other peopl's problems or things in the world that I cannot change. For those who understand what I am about to say, my orisha, Yemoja, dictates that I engage in extreme self-care. Lack of self-care = failure in life for me. Self-Care and Self-Love = living in alignment with my destinty. I had to write this this morning because one day this will be behind me and I won't remember but perhaps someone will read this and feel hope that they, too, can reclaim their lives. Giving thanks from the depths of my soul!