I decided today to stay off the scale. I am giving myself a year to get my body to switch over to thriving mode from survival mode. I decided that my plan was to be more focused on healthy living. A great thing that I have noticed today is that I am so calm that in the quiet moments, I am almost at a loss. This is so good and so amazing how I see how much space is open in my life without all of the emotional upheaval! Because I realized that I was addicted to having drama in my consciousness, I agreed with myself to use the new free space in my mind for the positive instead of inviting the drama back in. I actually am so happy about feeling like what I think it was like as a child...no thought...no judgement...just right now. If I never lost another pound,this peace is all that I need to thrive on life.
This morning I awoke and began tapping. As I write this it is over 12 hours later so I hope to remember what exactly happened but I just know that I had a major breakthrough. I explored my inner fear. Something I have known for a while is just how long I have felt fear in my life. I also explored my feelings of loneliness. I remember lying in bed at night as a girl feeling empty. I felt alone. Somehow as I tapped all of this welled up major emotion. It is an emotion that I know well. It feel painful, like acid and even my heart chakra painfully throbbed. I began to see how so much in my life, such as other people's drama or my issues with them, have been in place in part to keep fear up in my consciousness because I adopted fear as a way to protect myself as a child. I knew that if I stayed fearful, then I would stay aware so if anything sudden happened in my home that had abuse as well as alcoholism I would be ready. This way of being can...
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